Zoe’s Dog Blog

Zoe’s Dog Blog

Sleep

It seems like everyone at my house is always talking about sleep. “I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. Please be quiet, I’m trying to sleep. You can’t stay up all night. You need your sleep.” 

I don’t know why that is such a big deal. I sleep when or where I want to and for however long I want to. However, I don’t always sleep WITH whomever I want to. Even dogs know that’s not always such a good idea. It gets you in trouble.

I like to sleep with my family, but they don’t like me in their bed. Once, Dad accidently bumped me in the night, so I tried to bite his toes. In my defense, I was inadvertently attacked while I was sleeping, so I’m not really responsible for my own actions. He started it first! After that, I was banished to the kitchen, until I gave them the “sad, puppy dog eyes” and got back in their good graces (and in their bed!)

Sometimes when I sleep with my family, I will sit on someone’s head or wag my tail in their face. It certainly gets their attention, but all they can do is mumble something like, “Go away, Zoe, I’m trying to sleep.” Since I can’t unlock the front door, attach my own leash and take myself out, you would think they would be a little more concerned for my well being. I never wet the bed, but sometime I should try that. Maybe then they’d move a little faster and understand the urgency of the situation!

If it gets too hot or cold where I’m trying to sleep, I just move somewhere else. But the people in the house try to control the temperature of where they sleep. Heaters or blankets, ceiling fans or air conditioning, opening or closing windows…I don’t know why they don’t just lie on the tile floor or snooze over top the heater vent. It works for me!

My brother is a “young adult” and he keeps some pretty crazy hours. Sometimes when he’s shooting bad guys with his video games, he gets a little noisy. I’ll start barking and Mom will start complaining, “It’s the middle of the night! Why aren’t you both sleeping?!” He’ll just say, “Sorry.” But I try to explain: “Because playing video games is fun and besides, we can sleep all day tomorrow while you’re at work.” Somehow Mom is not amused by this fact at 2:00 in the morning.

The dogs and cats at the shelter have soft beds, comfy blankets and elevated cots to sleep on. But occasionally they don’t sleep “correctly.” Sometimes they hide under their beds. Sometimes they sleep in the back of their kennels when they should be front and center, acting cute for the potential adopters. Come on, silly kitties and cuddly canines. You snooze, you lose!

But sometimes the dogs and cats sleep in a way that brings attention to themselves…kittens snuggled up together…dogs on their backs with their heads tipped to one side…curled in a ball so everyone can see a sweet little nose and blissful dreamy expression.

Potential adopters, I ask you, “Who could resist such a face?” Wouldn’t you love to bring home a sweet dog or cat where they can get some uninterrupted, adorable sleep?

Writing my blog has made me awfully tired. I’m off to take a nap in a sun beam.

Until next time…
Love, Zoe

Happy Valentine’s Day!

In case you’ve forgotten, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Speaking as someone of the female persuasion, I have a very important piece of advice for everyone: DO NOT forget it is Valentine’s Day! That might land you in the doghouse for months!

Valentine’s Day is the best time to show someone that you love them. It can be something really simple that you don’t have to buy from a store. A tender kiss on the nose or forehead sometimes says “I love you best.” Just remember that slobbery kisses aren’t always appreciated. Homemade presents are cherished, too. Except for hairballs. Definitely do not produce a hairball and expect gratitude or excitement.

Another freebie is something you find around the house. If you share your favorite toy, they will get the idea that you like them and want to play. Give your true love a stone and say, “You are my rock.” Better yet, give her a diamond or a beautiful rhinestone collar and wait for the hugs and kisses to follow.

Somewhere, sometime, somebody is going to pop the question on Valentine’s Day. And I don’t mean “What’s for dinner?” If you’re going to get down on one knee to ask for someone’s hand in marriage, ask them if they love cats and dogs, too. That way, you’ll know what kind of person they are. I have found that people who show compassion to animals tend to be pretty awesome when it comes to love, tenderness and forgiveness, too.

Whether you are married or single, in a relationship or not, I bet you can find someone who needs a valentine. Mommies, daddies, children, neighbors, co-workers… You get the idea. Even really grumpy, annoying people could benefit from getting a valentine. Maybe the reason they are so unhappy in the first place is that no one ever showed them any love. You could learn a thing or two from the cats and dogs in your life. That’s what I always say! So if you wiggle your butt, act cute, rub up against them and hand out kisses, someone might…

WAIT! Mom says that someone might get the wrong idea if a person actually did that! You’ll have to figure out what is appropriate for humans to do to get someone’s attention. Apparently, there are some animal behaviors that are misinterpreted in human circles.

I have found that the way into a girl’s heart is through jewelry or flowers. At least that’s what my mom says. (And she told me to tell dad!) It can be almost anything, as long as it’s from the heart. You don’t have to go to the fancy-schmancy store, either. The gas station or the grocery store will have really great flowers. But if you forget to plan ahead, the jewelry stores love clueless guys with credit cards 5 minutes before they lock the doors.

And a reminder to all the pets, you’ll get in trouble if you knock over the flowers, dig in the dirt of a potted plant, chew on the blossoms or swallow shiny jewelry objects.

According to Dad, the way into a guy’s heart is through his stomach. This would appear anatomically incorrect, but I’ll believe him for now. A little candle light, a yummy meal, maybe something exciting for dessert and Dad is one happy fellow. Come to think of it, that would make me happy, too!

Pets don’t really need Valentines, but we won’t complain if you give us a special treat or an extra pet or booty scratch. It’s my job to show my constant affection, and I don’t need a special day to remind me. They call it puppy love!

Until next time,
Love,
Zoe 

Animal Idioms

Zoe missed her deadline, so please enjoy this column from 2013

Things have been really busy around here! Mom has been a little overwhelmed with all the tasks on her “To Do” list. In other words, she’s been running around like the proverbial chicken with its head cut off!

Wow! What a terrible and inhumane phrase that is! Have you ever noticed how many of those silly colloquial phrases deal with the cruel treatment of animals?

“Don’t let the cat out of the bag!” Who put the cat in the bag in the first place and why was that necessary? And if she was in a bag, why wouldn’t a kind hearted person let her out? No one should subject the kitty to the indignity of being placed in a bag. End of story. And I don’t even like cats!

“Curiosity killed the cat.” All the cats I know are very ingenious, agile and cunning. If they get themselves into trouble, they seem to be able to finagle their way out of harm’s way. So I don’t think curiosity ever killed anything…especially cats!

How about this cat phrase: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” No there’s not. There are zero ways to skin a cat. Nobody is harming any cats in any way, shape or form. Who comes up with these crazy ideas anyway?!

Here’s another inhumane saying about animals. “Like a fish out of water.” Why would anyone take a fish out of water? They can’t breathe that way, you know. It’s supposed to mean that you feel awkward or out of place. Why don’t people just say that and leave the poor fish alone for heaven’s sake?

There are equally asinine sayings about dogs. “Don’t kick a dog while he’s down.” Don’t you ever, ever, ever, EVER kick a dog. Period. And if you do, I hope everyone you know reports you to the police and your name goes in the newspaper for animal cruelty and you have to pay a huge fine and you hang your head in shame. And then I hope you are never allowed to have a dog again in your lifetime. OK. I’ll get off my high horse about that one.

“In the dog house” is supposed to mean that you did something wrong or you got in trouble. All the dogs I know live in lovely people houses with plenty of food and water, soft beds and humans who love them and take care of them. When you say “It’s a dog’s life” that really is a good thing.

Sometimes people say that “His bark is worse than his bite.” What is that supposed to mean anyway? I like to bark. I’m not supposed to bite. Those seem like simple rules to follow.

How many idioms about animals do you know? What’s the matter? Does the cat have your tongue? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Or is it really true that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Writing my blog has really worn me out. I’m dog tired, so I think I’ll go take a little cat nap.

Until Next time,

Love,
Zoe

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